my life is so ... i dont know what the word is. unfair i guess you could say. like for example, i'm 22 and i've never really had a real boyfriend before, never kissed a guy. i had an online relationship once that lasted like a month and i went to meet him and all that jazz but he ended up cheating on me and had been the entire time. my sister on the other hand is 19 and she's pregnant and she just got married today. sometimes i want and try to ask myself whats wrong with me, but i need to take a step back and realize theres nothing wrong with me. yeah so im overweight, whatever. i'm one of the nicest people you will ever meet.

i've had this friend for over 3 years and i've liked him on and off since. right now i like him a lot. a lot a lot. almost to the point of actual love. he doesnt have a girlfriend right now and i thot he liked me too, or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. so anyway tonight at jacobs well, one of his friends had to "ask him something in private" and i really didnt think nothin of it at the time. a half an hour later or so this girl sits down next to him and they're talkin or whatever and i guess i got jealous. and now in my mind i keep thinking maybe she had something to do with the question his friend asked him. its really bugging me. i like him a lot. its like whenever i see him i get butterflies in my stomach. the thing is im not the type of person to do the asking, or even let him know i like him. im around him a lot when i see him, but i dont' think i could ever actually come out and say it. thats just not me.

for me it seems whenever i admit to myself that i like a guy, he ends up getting a girlfriend shortly after, or i find out he had a girlfriend before hand. the last time i let myself like him he got a girlfriend, and now im scared that the girl he was talking to liked him and what not. i really pray that this whole thing either works out or just blows over. im just sick of being alone. i just want someone to love me. no more pain.
  • Current Music
    I Boast No More--Caedmon's Call

(no subject)

im addicted to making blends. check out my latest at my fan fic site. they're awesome lol. i think so anyway.

In the Arms of 5 Angels

i need to start sleeping at night. its like 4:13 in the morning. i've updated a lot of junk. maybe im most creative at night. lol. whatever anyway happy trails.
  • Current Music
    Circle of Life--Lion King Soundtrack


okay. so i deleted my last post cuz it was pretty lame. i applied to this community sundays best and i put my opinions and well maybe was pretty stupid about it (okay so i was). and i got rejected. not that i care but i suppose it was the way i stated stuff. my opinions on bush and gay marriages. i personally didnt mean for it to come out the way they interprted(cant spell) it to be, but i cant take it back now. i stand behind the rest of my application 100%. so if anyone from that community reads this. my bad sorry for bein a jackass. blah.

okay so now with that said. well i have really nothin else to say. lol. i have no life. i have no job. i do nothing. so i have nothing to say. oh geez im a twit.

im also a loser who contracdicts myself with one this

*hangs head in shame*
  • Current Music
    Metallica--The Memory Remains


im cold, its 5am and im still up and not really tired.

we had a fire at jacobs well tonight. we had an AWESOME candle display on the stage and well yeah half way thru the night the wax got really hot and started on fire and jamie tried to move the candles apart to stop the fire and well yeah that just made it worse, he also tried blowing on it yeah bigger fire! tried to use a fire extinguisher...well it was too close and made it worse...tried to put it out with a towel...the towel caught fire. woops lol. finally someone put the towel over it and patted the towel rather then just shaking it or whatever. it was pretty groovy.

i had 2 shots of espresso again tonight. why do i do that. i seriously stay up all night when i do. well i stay up late even when i dont lol. well i have nothing else to say. oh i can make blends and awesome graphics now. check these out. im all sortsa excited...

Collapse )

well hopefully this cut thing works, a lot of times i have no clue what im doing and they dont. *crosses fingers* lol. im bored...but i dont wanna do any more psp cuz then i dunno i dont work when im tired. okay ill admit im a lil tired. heh.


  • Current Music
    New American Classic--Taking Back Sunday


yes it has been an interesting day today. i woke up at 330pm, chilled for a couple hours. and then me and my brother went to the store. enter weird. we were walkin down one of the isles and he started laughin. i asked him what was so funny but he wouldnt answer cuz this dude was behind us. when the dude left he finally answered. yeah guess this guy passed us, checked out my butt then followed us for a few isles. i was like i dont think so. yeah right. dont believe it. nobody checks me out. psht. i aint the skinniest person, yeah didnt happen.

anyway. i talked to drew the other day. im so over him...its been 4 years. i have to stop it. im so sick of him, i think i expect too much from him. blah who needs him.

lala. oh join this cool community.

join <3_screamxcore
  • Current Music
    A Cinderella Story


technically i havent updated this thing in so long. i've just posted lame things that dont mean a thing!. so anyway theres really nothin new. im currently listening to taking back sunday. i love them...for a while i got sick of them but i've been listening to they're new album a lot and i cant get enough. i really love new american classic (number 6). gets me everytime. except the stupid thing skips.

i really need a job like somethin fierce. im broke, and its gettin old. sigh. oh well. sooner or later.

maybe its this whole "i stay up to like 5am and get up in the afternoon" that could be the problem. or maybe no one wants to hire me. that could be it too.

i'll just design my clothing line. go me. heh. i really wanna. i dont know why i havent started yet. lazy i guess. anyway...i'll probly be back its 2:46am and im bored.
  • Current Music
    New American Classic--Taking Back Sunday

(no subject)

im bored and im having a "woe is me" moment so im posting this thing... bold is true or whatever. heh

01. I have a cell phone.
02. I’m obsessed with new things.
03. I’m the youngest child.
04. I am a shopaholic.
05. I love my gauged earrings.
06. I love wearing a lot of black eyeliner.
07. I love beer.
08. I love the weekends.
09. I can’t live without lipgloss.
10. I can’t live without music.
11. I lived in Tahoe.
12. I spend money I have.
13. I’ll be in college for over 4 years.
14. I love designer handbags.
15. I get annoyed easily.
16. I eventually want kids.
17. I love the Backstreet Boys.
18. I have more than a couple horrible memories.
19. I’m addicted to Degrassi.
20. I am a person.
21. My first kiss was unexpected.
22. I love taking pictures.
23. I don’t like girls or guys who are fake.
24. My dreams are bizarre.
25. I have way too many pairs of shoes.
26. I’ve seen She’s All That at least 50 times.
27. I dress how I feel that day.
28. I love Charmed.
29. Sometimes I cry for almost no reason.
30. I hate when people are ridiculously late.
31. I procrastinate.
32. Fall is my favorite season.
33. I have too many clothes for my closet.
34. I love to sleep.
35. I wish I were smarter.
36. I have a lot of drama.
37. I love my hair.
38. I rarely fight with my parents.

39. I love the beach.
40. I have had the chicken pox.
41. I’m excited for the future.
42. I can’t control my emotions.
43. I can’t wait till New Year’s.
44. I love the show Rich Girls.
45. I love my friends.
46. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
47. I can be very insecure at times.

48. I have had a broken bone.
49. I dislike ignorant people.
50. I love my laptop.
51. I love guys that play the guitar.
52. I state the obvious.
53. I’m a happy person.
54. I love to dance.
55. I love to sing.
56. I hate cleaning.
57. I tend to get jealous very easily.
58. I like to play video games.
59. I like Eric Clampton.
60. I’m a vegetarian.
61. I don’t like to study for tests.
62. I love play dough.
63. I am forgiving.
64. I have a good sense of direction.
65. I don’t drink enough to get drunk. (don’t drink, period)
66. I love the color blue.
67. I don’t sew.
68. I am not addicted to drugs.

69. I love the Olsen twins.
70. I’m gonna try out for the soft ball team.
71. I become stressed easily.
72. I don’t like liars.
73. I like comfy sweatpants.
74. I love the smell of fresh laundry.
75. I love my family.
76. I don’t like getting shots.
77. I am a perfectionist when it comes to certain things.
78. I play the drums.
79. I hate the feeling of failure.
80. I would love to have my own fashion line--a christian gothic and punk line to be exact lol

81. I still act like a little kid sometimes.
82. I despise dishonesty.
83. I could stay on the computer forever.
84. I wish I were more motivated when it comes to school.
85. I love getting stuff in the mail--just not bills
86. I have problems letting go of people.
87. I hate the feeling of being alone.
88. I have a boyfriend.
89. I miss kindergarten.
90. I love nail polish.
91. I don’t get to see people I like as much as I’d like to.
92. I need a new computer.--or a computer of my own in general.
93. I love the Red Sox.
94. I was cuter as a baby than I am now.
 95. I wish I were skinnier.
96. I’d rather die than be caught in Victoria’s Secret.
97. I have naturally curly hair.
98. I adore black nail polish.
99. Gothic people scare me.
100. I have considered suicide before.
101. I’ve been cheated on
102. I’ve cheated on someone.
103. I have trouble trusting people.
104. I can’t live without food.
105. I’m a Bush voter.--i would have voted for bush if i would have voted
106. I hate my school.
107. I cry more than I should.
108. I’m quiet.
109. I have black hair.

110. I miss Kool Aid.

  • Current Music

bored and tired

yes indeed i am. this layout looks weird...its been a while. so yeah. im just postin this movie thing i got from a person on my friends list.... sorry for jackin it but im bored lol.  the highlighted ones are movies that ya'veseen...from what i've gathered lol.

01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. Memento
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill, Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. BASEketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Safety of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters, Inc.
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. Fierce Creatures
48. Dude, Where's My Car?
49. Ladyhawke
50. Ghostbusters
51. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
52. Back to the Future
53. An Affair To Remember
54. Somewhere In Time
55. North By Northwest
56. Moulin Rouge
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Zoolander
60. A Walk to Remember
61. Chicago
62. Vanilla Sky
63. The Sweetest Thing
64. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead
65. A Nightmare Before Christmas
66. Chasing Amy
67. Edward Scissorhands
67. Battle Royale
68. Kill Bill, Vol. 2
69. Fight Club
70. Clerks
71. The Crow
72. Get Real
73. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone
74. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban
75. Wake
76. Silence of the Lambs
77. Pulp Fiction
78. The Crying Game
79. Amélie
80. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
81. Happy Campers
82. Velvet Goldmine
83. Elephant
84. Peter Pan
85. Camp
86. Particles of Truth
87. The Godfather
88. Big Fish
89. The Passion of the Christ
90. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
91. The Neverending Story
92. The Breakfast Club
93. Newsies
94. Princess Mononoke
95. The Prince of Egypt
96. Grease
97. The Hidden Fortress
98. Troy
99. It Happened One Night
100. Hackers
101. Dead Poets Society
102. Ghost Ship
103. The Wedding Banquet
104. The Red Violin
105. The Beach
106. The Women
107. Run Lola Run
108. The Quiet Man
109. X-Men
110. X2: X-Men United
111. Spider-man
112. Punch Drunk Love
113. From Dusk 'Til Dawn
114. Joe Vs. The Volcano
115. Meet Joe Black
116. Gregory's Girl
117. In the Time of the Butterflies
118. The Butterfly Effect
119. Dirty Dancing
120. Final Destination 2
121. Shaun of the Dead
122. Cowboy Bebop: the Movie
123. I, Robot
124. Ladykillers
125. Stargate
126. The Million Dollar Hotel
127. Life as a House (Hayden Christensen HELL YEAH)
128. Tombstone
129. Hero
130. Titan A.E.
  • Current Music
    Head Like a Hole--AFI Cover